Rabbit Hearted Girl
by Rowena Stark
Summary: Life is not a fairy-tale and Lily's is no exception.
1. Of Petunia and First Year

**Part One: **_**this is a gift, it comes with a price/who is the lamp and who is the knife?**_

**Chapter One: Of Petunia and First Year**

My life is not a fairy-tale.

I…I'm sorry, that's a really stupid way to start this but there really is no other way. You know that Petunia always went on and on about how _perfect _my life is and _perfect _I am and isn't everything just _fucking _perfect and easy for me because she obviously knows everything that happened in it. I mean, even you and mum deluded yourself into thinking that my life at Hogwarts was perfect and everything was just fantastic and wonderful. Granted mum did this more than you, though she was um around longer. I-I know it's mostly my fault; I didn't exactly open up to anyone about it all. Fucking hell not even my closest friends know everything that happened….Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why I'm sitting here, in this cemetery, talking to you. You were always so _interested _in the Wizarding World and not just in the magic but in the _workings _of it and I can't help but think that if you hadn't…

Well there's no use in thinking like that I suppose.

There's just so much that no one else knows and I just…I can't…somethings are better left unsaid to certain people; it will only open old wounds that are better left stitched up. But I _have _to say it; I know that's the only way to make this-this-this _hole _in my chest go away. I…I'm scared dad, properly terrified, and you could always make me feel better so I figure if I tell you everything I'll feel better.

Well not _everything _just the important things; like the story of how my life got completely turned upside down inside out and thrown into the fiery pits of hell where it never recovered because change is good but it also can be bad, very bad, and sometimes it is both. And my life was changed, completely and utterly turned on its head, and I have yet to decide if it was for the better or not. Maybe it just _is _and it doesn't matter if it's for better or worse because life just _is_. I don't know.

…Oh damn this isn't making any sense at all, is it? Bollocks. Sorry. I just, I just don't really know where to begin. _Properly _being that is. It…

Um, well it's been a while since I've talked to you. I'm nineteen now and married (I know what you're thinking dad and be quiet). I just found out that I'm pregnant (again: shut up) and I…I just wanted to talk to you. I'm so confused and terrified and I just want to figure out how I got to this point. You always helped me with that sort-of stuff and I just thought maybe you could help me one more time…

* * *

Growing up I've always known that something was different between me and Petunia. Whenever she threw a tantrum, she always had to slam her bedroom door on her own. Whenever I threw a tantrum every door in the _house _would slam and I wouldn't be standing near any of them. I could make flowers stop wilting out in our garden. I could jump off swings and soar in the air before lightly landing on the ground as if I was just stepping out of bed. I could make my room clean itself. My hair could grow back after a haircut if I wanted. But you know all of that. I _knew _I was different from everyone else in my family, even at the age of nine. I didn't know _how_ I was different but I knew that I was and, in a way, I knew how to control it. Not completely, but I could control it enough that I could make flowers grow if I wanted. Heh remember that time I actually made it rain petunia and lily petals in the living room for mum's birthday? To this day I don't know if you all were more awed or disturbed; of course in my eight year old mind you thought it was the most incredible thing ever.

But this isn't important. Sorry. Again.

Anyway, like I said, I didn't know _how _I was different, not until I met someone who was like me. He told me what I was and introduced me to the Wizarding World. After Petunia he was my first friend. First _true _friend anyway and looking back he may not have been even that.

His name…

His name was Severus Snape.

I know that you were never overly fond of Sev, most people aren't, but he was an important part of my life.

The moment when I befriended Severus was a turning point in my life. Up to that point my life had been so easy, for the most part, Petunia was my best friend, you and mum doted on me, I was a personable, charming, intelligent, pretty child who everyone adored despite the odd things that occasionally happened around me. That sounds egotistical, I know, but it's true, dad, don't try to say otherwise. When I befriended Snape everything changed.

For one thing he told me what I was; he told me I was a witch. He explained certain things about the Wizarding World and he made me feel better when I wondered if it was a bad thing that my parents weren't wizards as well. He told me it didn't make any difference….

Ahem.

My relationship with Petunia was different after that day. It was not as bad as it would eventually become but we fought more after that. Mostly we fought about Sev; Petunia didn't like him much and didn't understand why I was friends with him since he was a generally unpleasant person as she liked to say. Personally I think she was jealous that I could do the things I could do and that I actually had another person to do it with. I know that she was, as a matter of fact, but you know that Petunia and I always did everything together and I think she hated that I finally had someone else to do things with especially things that she couldn't do; she hated being set apart from me like that. One time I caught her trying to do some magic. At the time it made me giggle and I tried to help her, because if I could do it why couldn't she, though she refused my help, obviously embarrassed. Now it just makes me want to cry, though most things do that these days.

For the next two months Petunia and I walked on eggshells around each other. We were still friends, yes, but I was always careful to mention Sev as little as possible and I tried to not do any magic because whenever I did either of those things her face always became sort-of pinched and she just looked sad and scared and angry. Even though we were fighting more often then, she was still my older sister and I still loved her and wanted to do everything with her and yearned for her approval. The problem was that Sev did not like Petunia at all, and vice versa, and whenever I spent a long time with Petunia he would get bothered by it. Annoyed that I wasn't spending time with him,_ you live with her you see her all the time you hardly ever see me, _and I would feel so guilty because Sev had a shit home life and I knew that and I knew that he didn't really have any other friends besides me and I would just feel so _bad _and want to cry from guilt. You know me, I hate displeasing anyone and I always just blame myself, and this was no different. I tried to have the three of us just do stuff together but Sev always wanted to do talk about magic and our futures at Hogwarts and, naturally, I was interested in that as well but it always left Petunia out and she would just leave. Then whenever the three of us did something that Petunia wanted to do, Sev would always sneer and jeer until she left, more often than not in tears. It was just awful; _Merlin _was it awful. Eventually Petunia stopped joining us which I know Sev was stupidly happy about; he always liked having me all to himself. Despite all of this Petunia and I were still friends; she didn't like that I was friends with Sev but she blamed him for the wretchedness of everything. Rightfully so, too.

This all changed once I received my Hogwarts letter; you probably remember this day just as well as I do. Professor McGonagall knocked on the front door, I answered it, and she handed me my Hogwarts letter and explained everything. Then you and mum had plenty of questions to ask and Petunia and I just sat there listening. Everything McGonagall told you I already knew from Sev. He came by later that day, more excited than I've ever seen him, shouting that he got his letter. I went out to meet him and I remember, I remember this very clearly, you and mum were talking out in the hall and I was running out to meet Sev and Petunia asked McGonagall if me going to Hogwarts meant that I would have to leave. She answered that yes, yes it did.

I can still perfectly hear Petunia asking that.

The next few weeks were so hectic and amazing. Finally everything that Sev told me was real. I got my wand, willow ten and a quarter inches, and all of my school things and robes. Remember how when I got the pointed cap I would never take it off? I slept in that thing. It's funny because I hardly remember wearing it at Hogwarts.

I showed Petunia everything I got and she seemed interested though the closer September first came the more distant she became. I wish I…well there's no point in wishing anymore.

On September first Sev and I were so excited we could hardly sit still and, well, we went into Petunia's room and discovered a letter from the Headmaster of Hogwarts addressed to Petunia. Well, okay, it was Sev who really did it but that's not the point. It said that Petunia couldn't go to Hogwarts because she didn't have magic. To this day I am not entirely sure how she wrote to him, maybe she gave it to McGonagall to give to Dumbledore, I'll probably never know.

So we went onto the platform and I knew, I _knew,_ that Petunia was upset and I wanted to comfort her, but, of course, instead I just made everything worse. It was the first time she ever called me a _freak_ and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Freak ended up being a particular favourite insult of Petunia's.

I hardly remember getting onto the train and finding a compartment, I was too busy crying. The compartment I did find, I ended up sharing for a brief time with two loud boys, one of whom is now my husband. Heh. It really wasn't the best first impression, they insulted Sev and we left to find somewhere else to sit. That'll be an interesting tale to tell the chil…. We found a compartment with two people in it, Peter Pettigrew and Mary Macdonald, both of whom ended up becoming two of my closest friends. I was still upset though, and extra upset at Sev for not giving a damn about Petunia and why the whole thing upset me. So I did talk to them but we didn't become friends just then. I think all of us were too nervous.

Anyway so we got to Hogwarts and we were sorted. As you know I was sorted into Gryffindor, along with Peter, Mary, and the two boys from the compartment. Sev was sorted into Slytherin. I was disappointed, obviously, he was my only friend there and now it would be difficult to see him. Or so I thought at the time, Slytherins and Gryffindors have numerous classes together.

Anyway I sat with Peter and Mary at the Gryffindor table and ate dinner. I felt a bit better after eating and talking with them. Mary was like me and didn't have any magical parents. Peter had one magical parent. Peter was a quiet boy but once he got talking he had me and Mary laughing for a good five minutes. He has a way with words and, honestly, makes the best facial expressions. Mary was a very nice girl who talked and smiled a lot. She was in awe of everything like I was.

At the end of dinner, Dumbledore, the headmaster, stood up and gave a speech. I do not remember anything that he said all I remember is thinking about what I told Petunia on the platform, that I could talk to Dumbledore and persuade him to let Petunia come to Hogwarts. Once he finished, instead of following the crowd like I should have, I went up to the table where all of the teachers sat.

At that point in my life that was the most terrifying experience ever. Obviously what I was doing was a rare thing as every single teacher stared at me; it took me a few seconds to get the words out. I asked to speak to Professor Dumbledore and introduced myself. When I told him my name I swear he knew exactly what I was there for. He kindly explained to me that it was impossible for my sister to come to Hogwarts because she didn't have magic in her. I asked if there could be an exception as she _really _wanted to go or if she could just visit for a few days but both suggestions were quickly dismissed all because Petunia didn't have _magic_; that was the main reason I was given each time. By the time I was finished the Great Hall was completely empty and a huge sting of homesickness hit me and I just wanted to curl up in a blanket and cry like I used to do with Petunia whenever I had a bad nightmare. Because maybe all of this was just a dream; it felt like one.

McGonagall offered to show me to the Gryffindor House but I lied and said that I noticed which way the students went and I ran out of the hall before they could interfere. It was a stupid decision as I had no idea where I was going, but I wanted to be alone. I did get lost, very badly lost, Hogwarts is a huge castle with moving staircases, talking paintings, ghosts, and no number of Sev's stories could've prepared me for walking around the school at night. It was frightening to say the least.

Eventually a Ravenclaw prefect named Dorcas Meadowes found me. When she did I was sitting in a corridor crying. She sat down next to me and we talked a bit. Dorcas is a Muggle born as well and knew exactly what I was going through; she had missed her parents something fierce during her first year but she assured me that it got easier once I made friends and classes started. She led me to the Gryffindor tower and explained the moving staircases and everything. By the time we reached the Fat Lady painting that blocked the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, I was feeling a lot better. Dorcas gave me the password and recommended that I write a letter home in the morning. She said that if I needed anything all I had to do was look for her in the library or the Ravenclaw common room.

I found my room that I shared with Mary and another first year Gryffindor girl named Marlene McKinnon who was sleeping when I came in. Mary was awake and, apparently, had been waiting up for me. I told her what happened and then we went to sleep.

The next day Peter, Mary, and I were attached together at the hip. Marlene, I learned, was a pureblood who knew a few other students in other houses. The three of us only got lost two times during the first week. To this day I am so grateful for Dorcas, I never would've made it through my first year without her; she helped me come accustomed to Hogwarts life and was there to explain anything I didn't understand. I'm sure I mentioned her in my letters.

To be honest, first year wasn't all that eventful. Mary, Peter, and I became fast friends and stayed that way. Sev and I learned that both of us excelled at potions and most of our first year was spent looking up complicated potions that we had no hope of properly making in our first year. We came up with this game to study for potions class; we named certain potion ingredients and the other person had to name a potion that uses those ingredients. Okay I know it doesn't sound fun, but it was! Charms was the other subject I was decent at. As for our other dorm mate, the most contact I had with Marlene was whenever I had to break up an argument between her and Mary. They weren't _bad _fights but more like light sparring matches to test each other. Sometimes they got heated but otherwise I would just step in because Mary, despite talking all the time, really isn't one for confrontation and was rather sensitive; Marlene seemed able to push her buttons like no one else. It's actually rather amusing to think about now considering everything.

One thing that sticks out about first year is that Petunia only wrote me once. Considering that I wrote her every week without fail, it was rather hurtful. Looking back I can understand, it must have been annoying to read about all of the friends I was making, the exciting things I was learning, and meanwhile she's just at home with you and mum. Err…no offense.

Sooner than I expected it was time to go for holiday and, well, you know how _that_ summer went.

* * *

**Disclaimer: Nope do not own anything. Would I be on this site otherwise?**

**Rated M for language and other such things.**

**Author's Note: The title of this story and the parts are inspired by Florence + the Machine's song _Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)._**

**Huge thanks to my beta Katie (sunshinedaisieswindmills) for making me write this, holding my hand throughout it all, and for catching my mistakes.**

**This is a Lily-centric story that's going to focus much more on the war than on Hogwarts (though we are obviously on Hogwarts and will be for the next six chapters). Chapter two is already in the works and should be on the way to my beta sometime soon.**

**Reviews are like three consecutive days off work.**


	2. Of Mudbloods, Second, and Third Year

**Part One**_**: this is a gift, it comes with a price/who is the lamb and who is the knife?**_

**Chapter Two: Of Mudbloods, Second, and Third Year**

In retrospect that summer was not the worst; that honour definitely goes to the summer before fifth year but I'm sure you remember that even better than I do. Ahem. It did seem particularly awful at the time. I got home and was so happy to see you all, so eager to share everything that I've learned. You and mum were more than interested in what I learned; I think you may have just been happy to see that it wasn't all a huge hoax. You were so impressed when I turned a teacup into a rat and wanted to know everything. I wanted Petunia to be just as impressed. I wanted her approval. I wanted to share with her what I learned and maybe teach her some things, or try to anyway. I wanted my older sister who I spent the entire year missing and waiting to talk to about everything. She wouldn't have any of it though, she refused to talk to me and if she did it was only to call me a freak or something like that. It was like she hated me; I know she didn't though; at least not at that point, she was hurt that I left and it's easier to hurt the thing that hurt you than to admit that you are hurt. I know that _now, _I didn't know that then obviously.

Her hurtful actions were made worse by the fact that she _was _interested in the things I wanted to tell her! I caught her snooping in my things all the time. Eventually I ended up putting frogspawn in all of my pockets to stop her from looking in everything. She screamed so loudly when she first found them, but I'm sure you ahem remember that.

Besides fighting with Petunia I spent that entire summer writing to Mary, who hoped that all of Petunia's hair fell out, and Peter, who commended me on my excellent use of frogspawn, and hanging out with Sev. We spent most of our time in the park listening to records, doing homework, and looking up more potions and spells. Later that summer Mary and Peter came over and I tried to include Sev in our activities, which really just consisted of us sitting around, talking, and playing Exploding Snap, but none of that seemed to interest him so he just left. Literally he just got up and left. I went after him, of course, but we just ended up arguing. He didn't like Peter or Mary and didn't understand why I was friends with them as I was _obviously _better than them or some bollocks like that. I don't remember it that clearly. I knew that Sev had other friends as well and I asked why it was okay for him to have other friends and not me. I left before he could come up with an answer. Thankfully Peter and Mary were tactful enough to notice that I didn't want to talk about it.

The summer continued on in that way until it was finally time to go back to school. Second year was better than the first by far. All of us were more confident and knew our way around. We all branched out a little. Peter became very close to his three dorm mates, and by close I mean that eventually they became collectively known by a single name because they were so rarely not in each other's presence. He always made sure to spend at least one day a week with just Mary and me, though, and with everything that he and his friends got up to sometimes it was a miracle he managed it but he always did. Mary and I became better friends with Marlene that year, which definitely livened up our free time. Marlene's always _doing _something if you know what I mean; the majority of the detentions I've received over the years were because of some idea of hers that Mary and I couldn't talk her out of. Sev became closer to people in his house, specifically closer to Mulciber, a particularly detestable Slytherin. Sev would often 'forget' about plans he made with me and hang out with them and when I called him out on it, he would deem me unreasonable and overreacting. Yet whenever I did it to him, which was rare, may I add, I was such an awful person who never spent enough time with him and didn't appreciate our friendship enough. Pah! I didn't know his new friends well but from what I did know I did not approve of them. At the same time Sev didn't like my friends either so I never said anything. I mean, I liked that he had friends, you knew Sev he's not the most…sociable of people and I always had this thought in the back of my head that whenever he wasn't with me, he was just all alone, and I would feel bad. So I _liked _that he made other friends, that was a good thing, but I just didn't like _them_. I never said anything but maybe if I had…but that would've been really arrogant wouldn't it?

I really need to stop wondering about that. It doesn't do anyone any good, least of all me.

Anyway second year was much like the first only we knew our way around and had a vague understanding of our classes. I still excelled at Charms and Potions. Sev and I still attempted to brew the exceedingly difficult potions and Sev grew more interested in learning how to create potions and spells himself. So we began looking into that and eventually we came up with shortcuts for potions and made up our own spells. Well Sev mostly did the spells but I gave him ideas. We always had to _do _something whenever we were together, Sev and I, we could never just _be _like I could be with Marlene, Peter, and Mary. Even if it was just running around town collecting bottles like we did when we were younger, we always had to _do_ something.

The majority of that year was relatively uneventful; Sev and the Marauders, that is Peter and his friends, had this rivalry going on that I tried to stay out of unless it got particularly bad, I received my first detention that year and, yes, it was because of Marlene, and Peter and I actually discovered a secret passageway in the school one night. The main thing I remember about second year is that it was the year when any idea I had about magic being wonderful vanished and I became aware of the wizarding world as something that wasn't just Hogwarts.

I remember I had to tell Sev something, about what I don't remember but I had to tell him something, and I was in the middle of telling him when Mulciber came up to us. I don't recall what was said exactly all I remember is that he ended up calling Mary and I 'mudbloods.' We, of course, had no idea what it meant, we just thought it was some stupid made up insult.

It's not.

The way Marlene reacted told us that it was something particularly bad. She attempted to curse Mulciber but in her haste ended up hitting Travers, a fifth year Slytherin. And, well, chaos ensured with Marlene in the centre of it. It was only when Dorcas intervened that it ended. She asked what happened and Marlene, I remember she had a bleeding cut on her lip, shouted that Mulciber called Mary and me mudbloods.

Any doubt I had over that word being a particularly nasty one disappeared when I saw the look on Dorcas's face. She told Marlene, Travers, and Snape to go the hospital wing, for Mary and me to go up to her office (she was Head Girl), and for Mulciber to follow her. We all did just that. I don't know where she brought Mulciber but when she got back she was red in the face as if she had been shouting a lot.

She sat down at her desk and pulled out a bunch of papers, wrote something down, and looked up at Mary and me, who were completely confused might I add. Then she proceeded to tell me something that I will never forget.

"Do you know what that word means?" she asked while folding her hands in front of her.

Mary and I shook our heads.

"But it's bad, isn't it?" Mary said.

Dorcas scoffed humourlessly and wiped her mouth with her hand.

"Well that's putting it rather mildly, but essentially yes, it's a bad word, a very bad word…I'm sorry I don't even know your name."

"Mary."

"Hello Mary, I'm Dorcas."

"Yeah I know; Lily talks about you all the time." I remember Mary's voice being very soft and I smiled after she said that.

Dorcas stared at us and then buried her face in her hands, cursing softly. Mary and I looked at each other, both of us wondering if we upset her or something.

"How old are you two? Twelve? Thirteen?" Dorcas asked, startling me and Mary.

I replied that I am thirteen and Mary said that she just turned twelve. That only seemed to make Dorcas more upset.

"So what does that word mean? I mean why is it um bad?" I asked after Dorcas still didn't explain anything.

"It…" Dorcas sighed heavily and tapped her fingers against the desk. "Okay look, there's certain things that you need to know about the wizarding world. It's not all unicorns, and magic, and whatever else you may have expected when you got your letter. It's actually rather awful, especially when it comes to nonmagical creatures and witches like us, that is, people without any magical heritage."

I remembered something Sev told me the first time we met; something that gave me comfort and kept me confident about my magic. "But I thought that didn't matter."

"Well in terms of how proficient you are at doing magic, it doesn't. But, well, a lot of people are under the assumption that it does and are going to treat you…badly because of it."

"Why?" I'm not sure which of us asked this.

Dorcas shrugged wildly. "Because people enjoy demeaning others to feed their own importance and egos; because people hate things that aren't like them; because people are arseholes, pick one because I don't know the answer. There is no answer. The fact is that it happens and it will make your life a hell of a lot harder than it need be. People will judge you, and have these preconceived notions about you, and will be made to prove yourself because they will doubt your ability with everything. And even when you do prove yourself, then you will be made into an example of how every mudblood should act. The word mudblood, by the way, is a derogatory term used by purebloods to demean those of nonmagical heritage. It's a nasty word and you are allowed to be upset that some pureblood called you one. It, hmm, okay basically your life will be much more difficult than it would be if were a pureblood and for no good reason. I mean you would think being top of your year, a Ravenclaw, with a Prefect and Head Girl badge to your name, would get you the internship you've wanted since second year. But nope it goes to the white, pureblood Slytherin who's not even on the Quidditch team let alone a Prefect instead. Naturally."

We were quiet for a bit before I asked Dorcas if she really didn't get the thing at the Daily Prophet. At thirteen, I couldn't believe that she got beat out for anything; she seemed so invincible in my mind. Still does I suppose.

Anyway.

It turned out that she didn't get it and some girl named Rita Skeeter did. Their loss really because Dorcas is a fantastic writer. She really is. Like this one article she wrote about how waiting until Muggle-borns are eleven years old to learn about magic is ridiculous and problematic was….

Um that's not important right now. Sorry.

Where…oh yeah. So Dorcas rummaged around in her desk and hands us these pamphlets for these Muggle-Born/Squib Help Centres.

"Information to contact them is on the back," she said. "After my parents died, they were a great asset. They really help you figure out the quirks of this world."

Out of everything that she just told us, the only thing that stuck in my mind was that Dorcas had lost her parents.

Tactful as always, I ask her about it.

"They were killed in a Muggle riot," she replied flatly.

I hadn't known about this and I was upset that I didn't know such vital information about my friend and that this happened to her period. The fact that there were riots in the Muggle world completely baffled my mind. I couldn't help but ask for more details.

"It happened before I even met you, Lily," she said. "And it has nothing to do with the current conversation so can we please get back to the matter at hand?"

I apologized, knowing that I was being rude. Dorcas finished her explanation on the Help Centres, about how if anything ever goes wrong at home we can stay there, and there's food, and there's volunteers to talk to twenty four seven. It really is fantastic, some of my favourite memories are in that place, and I practically worship the people that founded it.

While all of this information was important, at thirteen I didn't quite grasp just how serious it all was. I would later on, definitely, but at that moment I only understood the basic concept, which to me was simply that _Sev lied to me_.

I didn't talk to him for a few days after that.

Eventually the school year ended and we headed back home. That summer was much like the previous only Petunia and I ignored each other more than fought. She was always out with her friends and on dates with various _suitors_ as she called them. Whenever she was home she just ignored me, pretended I wasn't there. I would've rather fight with her than that. I spent time at Marlene's that summer and Mary and I went to her grandparents' house in Spain. We spent most of the time on the beach, building sand castles, getting sunburned (though I think that was mostly me), and getting pulverized by waves. Okay I guess that summer wasn't that much like the last but it was an easy summer, a peaceful one, one I can actually look back on and smile. But, of course, eventually it was time to go back to school.

Third year wasn't a good year but it certainly wasn't all bad. Many new things happened that year. Dorcas wasn't there, having graduated the year before, so it was weird not having her there to talk to, but she wrote often, more often than Petunia at any rate, so that was something. I met a new friend that year, Benjy Fenwick. He was a year older than us, a Gryffindor, and Marlene's oldest friend who might have well have been her brother. He, well, he's actually a lot like Marlene. Honestly if Marlene was a guy she'd be Benjy. It's kind-of creepy truth be told. They even have a similar taste in girls, so it really was no surprise when he started to flirt a bit with Mary. Heh it bothered Marlene so much even though Mary was nowhere even near interested. Knowing Benjy he probably just did it to bother Marlene.

The Slug Club started for me that year. The Slug Club was set up by the Potion's Master, Professor Slughorn, to have a meeting of all of his favourite students; the particularly talented, intelligent, charming, or well-connected students. I felt honoured when I was given an invitation; Slughorn was one of my favourite teachers. Sev and Marlene were invited as well so that was nice. That year we were also allowed to go down to the village, Hogsmeade, for a day. To my surprise I was asked to go to Hogsmeade by a few people. It was very flattering and I had no idea who to go with, or if I wanted to go with any of them at all. Sev didn't like that. Not one bit. He got all sullen and sulky and, quite frankly, annoying. I ended up spending the day with Sev just to pacify him.

That year wasn't all new, exciting stuff it had its problems which came in the form of Mulciber and Travers. Mulciber, he, hmmm, just didn't like me. Back then I had no idea why and I used to lie awake at night and wonder why he and most of the Slytherins and some students from other houses hated me. I mean I never did anything to them, I barely knew them, so why would they hate me? It didn't make sense. I don't lie in bed thinking anymore and now I know that they are just ignorant, narrow-minded bigots. But still, at the time, it hurt. Still does sometimes.

Anyway during the year Mulciber continued to harass Mary and me. Especially me; I think the fact that I was good friends with Sev had something to do with it. On a Hogsmeade trip he…ugh…he just said things, hurtful things.

"You know, I was wondering the other day, can you lot even properly _see _Hogwarts? I mean how do you know the Hogwarts you're seeing is _actually_ Hogwarts? For all we know your perception could be messed up because of your dirty blood and you would have no idea," Mulciber said.

"I think the simple fact that we get to our classes on time and haven't bumped into any invisible walls just shows that we are seeing the _right _Hogwarts," I retorted. He just continued talking as if I hadn't said anything though. As if we weren't there at all.

"It's bit odd, isn't it, _Muggle-borns_. I mean how does that even happen? They have no magical heritage, so where, exactly, do you come from? You have to get the magic from somewhere, but you have no magic in your blood so, like, where does it come from? You lot are just freaks then, right, something that really shouldn't exist in the first place?"

I got called a _freak_ enough at home and couldn't stomach hearing his voice any longer. I grabbed Mary's hand and we walked faster to get away from him. It didn't work though.

"Now that was just rude, don't you agree Severus," Mulciber shouted loud enough so we could hear. "We were having a pleasant conversation and then they just walked away. Not surprising though, I mean what else can you expect from Mudbloods?"

I kept expecting Sev to say something but he never did. Mary was practically crying and I…I just wanted to punch him, or hex him, or something. I was about to when James Potter came by and did just that. Sev didn't like that, well he never likes anything the Marauders do and he err got involved with the fight which caused Sirius Black to get involved and…it was a mess. Peter asked if Mary and I were all right while Remus Lupin tried to stop the fight from escalating. The Marauders and Slytherins never got along for various reasons but Sev was a particular case, maybe because he always fought back and retaliated.

Remus managed to drag Sirius away while Peter gave Mary a quick hug.

"James mate just leave it," shouted Peter as he let go of Mary. "Not worth it. Besides Zonko's gonna close soon."

I raised an eyebrow at Peter. "It's the only thing that will get him to stop besides Sirius, okay," he answered. It didn't work, though, and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh just stop it!" I shouted, taking out my wand not sure what spell I would use to stop them but I felt better having it in my hand. "Potter this was none of your business anyway!"

James was shoved away from the group and I grabbed onto his elbow, pulling him back even further.

"Stop it!" I repeated, glaring at him. He glared back and wiped at a bleeding cut on his cheek.

"Better listen to your Mudblood Potter," Mulciber said with a smirk. His lips were bleeding.

"You know what Mulciber," I snapped as Peter stops James from lunging at Mulciber again. "Why don't you just leave us alone! You don't have to stalk us all day, or do you _really_ have nothing better to do on a trip to Hogsmeade?"

He opens his mouth to say something, but Sev grabbed his shoulder. "Didn't you have something to do at the Hog's Head anyway?"

Mulciber shrugged off Sev's hand and skulked away. Sev looks back at me; as if he was expecting me to _thank_ him for finally doing something that he should've done a hell of a lot sooner. I glared at him instead and he rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Twats," James stated and I moved away from him.

"What's wrong with you Potter?" I demanded. "This had nothing to do with you!"

"Well _excuse_ me for trying to help you!" he shouted back.

"You just made everything worse!"

"Oh please Mulciber deserved it; he's a total prat and your pal Snape isn't much better."

"Because you and him are just so close, right?" I scoffed. "Just sod off."

"Gladly." He turns away to catch up with Sirius who, if I remember correctly, was actually following Sev and Mulciber to finish what was started or whatever.

By this point I was practically shaking and just wanted everyone disappear. Peter gently held my hand and we stared at each other a bit before hugging. Peter always gives the best hugs.

"Just ignore them," he whispered as I leaned my chin on his shoulder. "Well ignore James, because he really is an idiot. But Mulciber is a git who did need to be hit in the face even though James was an idiot for doing so because it really wasn't any of his business…"

"Shh, just hug now," I said.

"Okay hugging now."

Mary came up and wrapped her arms around us, or tried to anyway, she's smaller than both us, and that got us laughing. We let go and stood in a triangle.

"Spend the rest of the day with us Pete," said Mary. "Please."

"Yeah you're nice and not a total idiot," I added.

He snorted and was just about to reply when Remus came running down the street.

"Peter!" he shouted, waving his arms, signalling for Peter to follow him.

"Oh what now," he sighed. "I'll see you two later, okay, sorry, gotta go help."

So he leaves and Mary and I end up spending the day at Honeydukes (it's a candy store dad), stuffing ourselves with free samples. We actually got kicked out at some point….huh I forgot about that.

Anyway Mary and I weren't the only ones who were picked on; Marlene had her own problems with Travers. I don't think he appreciated being accidentally cursed by her, or maybe there's more to the story that I'm not aware of. In any case he attacked Marlene one day, just out of the blue, and Marlene was more than able to defend herself, but Travers was older and knew more spells and had more experience duelling. I would like to see him duel her today; Marlene would completely obliterate him. Luckily Benjy was there to help that day. Benjy is typically an easy going guy but when someone fucks with Marlene Benjy goes out for blood. It got bad and all of them received a few detentions for it all.

Once the Marauders, who were decent friends with Marlene or at least James was, heard about that they were absolutely furious. According to them two attacks on Gryffindors within a short span of time was punishable by death. So us Gryffindors got together and planned this elaborate prank for the Slytherins. Okay it wasn't nice but the prank wasn't going to physically hurt them just embarrass them so I went along with it…and helped planned it…and put in a few charms…Shut up dad.

Sev somehow knew that I was involved and didn't like it much. I meant to get him out of the way before the prank happened but there wasn't enough time. I neither confirmed nor denied his accusation but he was convinced that I helped James. He seemed particularly interested in that little fact. I ignored him until the train home when I realized that the fight was silly and he had a perfectly good reason to be upset about the prank, as it wasn't very nice even if it wasn't that bad.

And so the holidays started again.

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**A/N: True story this chapter had been sitting on my computer for months because I was too lazy to do all of the editing that it needed. Yes I am that lazy (and I did get busy at my job and then starting college). Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. I have this entire thing outlined so if it does take long it's either because I am 1) Lazy (likely) or 2) Busy (also likely what with college and all). But I am very excited for this and so is my beta, Katie, so I doubt she would let me just forget about this.**

**Also bless your soul Katie. She fixed all of my tense problems (which were grand in scale because I have been writing in present tense for a while now so going back to past just IRKED MY SOUL and then I didn't know which to use because someone was TELLING it but at the same time I wanted to include quotes and shit so yeah CONFUSION so bless your soul Katie. Really) so any mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**So I hope you liked this chapter tell me if you did. Tell me if you didn't. Hopefully the next one won't take several months. Thank you all for reading 3**


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